he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
