Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
