you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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