i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
