That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
