sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
