I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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