i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
if only i could text you this smell
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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