dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
