I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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