My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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