I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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