The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
