does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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