So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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