She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
