A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
