ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
