ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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