I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
