Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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