One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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