margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
