no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
