If i come over, it means nothing
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
