before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
