is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
