Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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