i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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