I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
