obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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