if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
