I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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