I'm laying in your front yard are you home
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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