bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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