I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
