I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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