I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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