Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
