I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
