I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
