This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
