he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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