I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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