Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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