weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
