best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
