**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
