Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
