My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
