Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize