Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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