Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
