dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
