none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
