worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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